I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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