Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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