Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
