We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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