Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
