i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize