She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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