Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
