He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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