Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
