when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
