Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
