You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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