The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize