Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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