just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
