I am puke
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
