you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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