yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
