I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
