i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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