HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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