oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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