Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Are we still banned from the library?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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