if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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