Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As shirtless as possible
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
