So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
