Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
