Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
