i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We need to get me chipped asap
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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