just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
