Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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