I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
