you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
