I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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