I cockslap morals
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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