Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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