You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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