made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the day after is always just damage control
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
