I wanna bring you to show and tell
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
