is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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