So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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