I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
