From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
