He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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