I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
