six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
