haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
