I just threw up on my dentist
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
