I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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