If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
