I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
