During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
