i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize