What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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