Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
