we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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