my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
