he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
