If i come over, it means nothing
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
