i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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