When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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