Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My cat gives me a boner
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
