you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
