and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
