So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
