remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
