She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
