Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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