i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How's work?
Spinning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
