We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize