Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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