I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
